


Our Lives

by DeviousBodminEngr



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:59:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5208470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeviousBodminEngr/pseuds/DeviousBodminEngr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you really love someone, you'll do anything and everything to make them happy...even if it doesn't include you.</p><p>its painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go. But it's more painful to ask someone to stay if you know they really want to go.</p><p>"You can love me or hate me, and I'll accept both. If you love me, I'll always be in your heart; if you hate me, I'll always be in your mind. But you'll always be in my mind and heart. Goodbye Clara Oswald..."</p><p>and with a shaky breath, The Doctor walked back to the TARDIS with a heavy heart, leaving his beloved impossible girl behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our Lives

CHAPTER 1: “Our Lives”  
None of them had seen it coming their way. He for one had never thought this would ever happen anyway.  
In his fantasies he had dreamt of holding her close and making love to her; but this, this was far more than what they both think was even possible.  
It was raw, ugly and close to being desperate. The way he clung to him as if his life were depended on her, fearing that she would slip away from his embrace and disappear…forever.

For so long he kept his feelings aside, he didn’t want her to know…not yet at least. And this time was not the time for feelings, not when you’re fucking at the back of a dark alley after spending the night drinking pints of alcohol, and a dangerous level of Hyper vodka running through their veins.

For the first time she dared to open her eyes, she was glad that his eyes were closed. She didn’t want to see the emotions playing there, afraid of what she might see. And yet she was so surprised of how he looked now, there was something incredible with how the wiry muscles of his back was moving with every thrust. His skin pale is pale almost blue. Not a freckle, not a scar…perfect. This is him, all flesh and blood. And every bit of him was all male, and sexy.

She cried out with every thrust he drove into her core, her legs we jelly if they weren’t wrapped around his waist, her back to the cold brick wall, his body pinning hers. She let her hand run through his thick silvery curls and buried her fingers as she pulled gently making him moan in pleasure and slight pain, while the other dug onto his shoulder leaving small crescent marks from her nails.

She let her hands wander down his back, and taught little ass, feeling the muscles as they ripple against her hand. Burying her nose on the crook of his neck, she felt her heart beating even faster, his scent was dizzying; she wanted more, she wanted this man, more of him…all of him.  
“Harder…” she moaned into his hear, feeling up his ass and moved it further up her hilt.  
He rested his right hand to the wall and let the other held tightly to her hip.

She bit his neck with little to no mercy before soothing it with her tongue. She nipped on his earlobe, and kissed her way to his neck and throat, before leaving him filled with hickeys. His breath hitched every time she’d leave a mark on him; he’d give her feral groans, and guttural moans that didn’t sound human-like.  
She couldn’t stop the moans she was making with every deep thrust he delivers. She couldn’t think of anything but him. She tried not to drown in the moment, for it will be gone soon, but she’s far in too deep to turn back now. 

His skin was slick and hot against her own, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s so lost in the moment and the sensation they were creating to even think straight.  
She tasted sweet like honeysuckle and he found her addicting. Her scent was intoxicating making him feel lightheaded, she felt so wonderfully warm wrapped around him that he didn’t want this moment to end.

She whispered sweet obscenities to his ear that makes him thrust harder, deeper, with more passion. He wanted to tell her how he felt, but this was not the time, and place; and there will never be one. He knows this is just a one-time deal, but he couldn’t help to stop himself from living in the moment.  
Her words brought him to double his efforts of pushing harder, faster and deeper; which is exactly what she wanted. He captured her lips with his, and she kissed him back with equal desire.

He wanted to believe that this could be real, how he wanted to shout to the world, let them know that he is hers, and she belongs to him.  
His tongued assaulted her mouth, demanding just like the man that had pinned her down. Now that tongue has moved elsewhere and is teasing her nipples to pebbled peaks, and bit her gently enough to throw her over the edge for the second time.

She knew he was close, but he was holding back. She wanted to feel all of him, she didn’t care if she didn’t have a third orgasm but she wanted to feel his. She knew he is a gentleman, and always is a gentleman, but she didn’t that side of him now, she needed that raw lustful side of him he always left concealed behind the mask of stoicism. 

“Please…” she said in a voice that was almost begging. “I need you to please come for me…please…” she continued thrusting and she knew he was holding back. She framed his face between her hands and kissed him deeply; “Open your eyes, and look at me please…” she begged for him, and he obeyed.

She was surprised to see the emotions in his eyes playing, but he remained unreadable. “I need to feel you in me, I need to see you…please…” she begged, and she saw him swallow thickly still not speaking. She bit his neck one more time and he closed his eyes that finally brought him over the edge and she felt the hot jets of his come spurting inside of her, while he released deep and husky moans.

For a moment they didn’t move. Clara let the Doctor rest his head on her shoulder as he caressed the back of his head and ran her fingers through his curls.  
The doctor placed one last loving kiss to her neck then withdrew from her and setting her down gently to stand on her own, then he pulled up his boxers and pants from his ankles and put on his shirts. He buckled his belt and avoided to look at her; he didn’t want to see what he was feeling inside…really feeling inside.

Clara dressed herself; underthings first before her phone vibrated…  
Danny…  
“Hey…” she said to the man on the other line

“look, Clara. I’m sorry okay? We need to talk, what I said to you and to the Doctor, it wasn’t right…”  
“I can’t talk now…” she didn’t know why but when Danny had picked the chance to say his name, she just pulled him to her, his hoodie and jacket still off and caught his lips with hers, taking control of the kiss and biting his lower lip while her hands touched the cool skin under his shirts.

No matter how much he wanted for this to stop he couldn’t help himself, so he gave in and kissed her back with no hesitation. When she released his lips, his own latched down to her neck, biting her, but not enough to leave marks on her… he can’t possibly do this, not when she’s not his.  
“We’ll talk another time, Danny… not this time. Not on the weekend…” she said before hanging up on him.

“What did he want?” he asked, finally she heard his voice even though it’s still rough from the sex they had, great sex if she was being honest.  
“He wanted to talk, to apologize…” she whispered against his mouth  
“I don’t want to talk to your pudding brain boyfriend…” hiding his face on the crook of her neck. “I just want to float around with you…time vortex…alone.” He pushed her against the wall, nuzzling her; hoping she’ll choose him instead of PE.

“I have to go…still have a lot to do.” She felt her desire for him growing with each second they stayed huddled together. Clara pushed him away and walked back to the TARDIS door, leaving him a few steps behind. “Take me home…” she said as she entered the door.

The Doctor leaned his head against the wall, he loved her; but why can’t he tell her? Because she doesn’t love him, she loves Danny.  
Sated and spent he was, but he wanted more. He wanted to hold her for as long as her mayfly life would let him hold her, but she didn’t feel the same.  
“What now?” he asked himself. “What’s going to happen now?”


	2. Let Me Be the One

CHAPTER 2: “Let Me Be The One”

The Doctor knew with such sickening need that he loved Clara Oswald with all of his hearts. He wanted to tell her and show her on so many occasions; drunk or sober or even high. He wanted to tell her most of all during those distressed or desperate situations when she would fling herself to his arms wanting to forget reality, and life. He knew she loved him too, or rather his previous self, bowtie boy.

The doctor was not one that could afford to be vulnerable at all times, especially in relationships, and he was scared as hell that one day Clara might now how he felt, and she’ll leave him. He wanted nothing more but to have her in his arms, but he doesn’t want to lose her, hence why he is distancing himself. It’s already been perversely told that he was not her boyfriend, but she didn’t know that he loved her so…so, so much.

He knows he should’ve seen it coming; he was THE DOCTOR for Rassilon’s sake! But alas, he didn’t, he hadn’t. Everyone who would know them knows that he cares for her, and as long as their relationship was something near to platonic it was fine. As long as they had some bits of misunderstandings about planets, and ramblings, and the name of her boyfriend, it was all okay. But nothing was never really okay with the Doctor, was it?

The Doctor could have crossed the line. Between drunken episodes and a Clara “wanting to forget” The Doctor had finally crossed the line. After his confession of his love for her, their relationship stayed the same; probably she didn’t remember. So their relationship remained in a very platonic but physical level.

They were both stoned that night, but it was nothing that he couldn’t handle. Clara on the other hand was really high and the Doctor- torn between being annoyed and amused had teased her mercilessly about dancing mushrooms, that had been found frolicking inside the TARDIS garden upon their return.

The Doctor decided that she should stay the night, and much to his dismay, the old cow has hidden her room and has given HIS instead. 

The Doctor had laughed and had suddenly stopped to haze at her, with such a heartbreaking expression on his face that had nearly sobered her up. He had sighed and hugged her, and murmured against her ear; “I love you even more today than I did yesterday, every time you manage to surprise me, my Clara.”  
What else could have she done than to pull him to her and kiss his breath and brains away.

The TARDIS has given them The Doctor’s room, and the moment they had stepped inside his sanctuary, all feelings broke lose, as they were both overtaken by lust, and probably even love.

Clara never spoke of that situation ever again. After that night, The Doctor has started to be a little bit distant—nothing had changed with their routine, he’d still come on Wednesdays and whisk her away to see stars being born and to almost dying in some weird planet—but their emotional closeness seemed to be nonexistent, mostly Clara.

Every single time she would have a fight with Danny, the Doctor found himself under the sheets with Clara all over him, taking him almost instantly; “Make me feel… I want to feel…” she breathed into his ears over and over; “Please let me feel…” escaping her mouth with a little sob that broke his heart.

Every time she had a little too much to drink, she’ll phone him not saying much—when he comes, she’ll be kissing him, loving him, and will start to mumble about how much she missed him, how much he needed him, and how much she loved him—but he wouldn’t hold it against her, because in the morning she’ll be asking as to why had he stayed the night; he wasn’t sure if she remembered what she had said, but they remained imprinted in his hearts.

He was quite powerless when it comes to her. No matter how much he wanted to stop her, his hearts wouldn’t let him, unable to say no. Long ago, he has acknowledged it that he needed her, and he wanted her just as much and that pain in her eyes was simply irresistible. 

She didn’t doubt the depth of his devotion for and love for her, and that was the only reason why Clara continued their little arrangement. She told herself over and over that she had to choose between him and Danny; but it was more complicated than that. 

There were times when she could see his walls crumbling down, and the real him was emerging from behind the thick walls this regeneration has managed to come up with. Slowly he is showing her that she is holding his heart, and soul, he is showing her that he can be the one for her.

X0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0xx0x

After another rough night of having fun with one rebel Time Lord, Clara woke up the next morning and everything ached. Her heart was spinning, she was lying in a very twisted position but she can feel that she’s sore in all the right places; something only he could do.

The Doctors lays curled up around her body, his head on her shoulder as he clung to her tightly; as if afraid she’ll be gone in the morning just like always. His lips were pressed against her neck, mimicking the position as if he fell asleep kissing her.

She can vaguely remember making love to him last night, inside his sanctuary, and he begged for her to stay; “Stay…” he whispered, his voice heavy with emotion. “Please…” he begged of her, hugging her tightly to him as she felt hot wet tears starting to fall against her naked shoulder.  
The Doctor holds her close to his body, and she is sure that there is no other way that she’ll get up without waking him first. He Slept so rarely that she decides to stay put, but is mentally preparing herself for the conversation, that this shouldn’t happen again. 

His body lies pleasantly cool against hers. She slowly turns herself in his embrace and runs her fingers through his thick silvery curls, while the other slowly strokes along his cheeks and his neck. His manhood gives a small sleepless twitch against her thigh at the motion, and she smiles at that.

He comes around slowly, his mouth immediately latching onto her neck and sucking at her pulse point. His hips rocking against her thigh, and she was sure that he’s still dreaming. She gasps a bit when he rolled them over so that he was hovering over her, but she automatically wraps her legs around his waist keeping him in place.  
The doctor moans and moves down towards her breasts to lick and suck until her nipples were pert and pebbled. He murmured words of adoration along with her name as he continued his ministrations. She felt her toes curl when he says her name in his sultry voice, his brogue thicker than usual. She rocks her hips up just a little and uses just enough momentum to flip them over, as she straddled and hovered him.

“Doctor…” she whispers to him, trying to wake him up, but she can feel that he has something else in mind when he rubbed himself against her slick sex, making her moan breathlessly. She tries to regain composure and tries to wake him again; “Doctor, wake up…” she says framing his face within her small hands.  
His eyes slowly open and already his pupils were dilated as he gave her a small sultry smile; “You stayed…” he whispered and the emotion in his voice makes her forget everything she wants to say.

She leans forward over him and plants her hands on either sides of his face. She was hovering over him nose, nose-to-nose, her terra eyes were staring into his stormy blue orbs begging for her to always stay by him and to understand. “I’d never leave, not when you need me the most…”  
“Sorry…” he says trying to avoid looking at her.

“Don’t.”

Clara tries not to feel a sense of loss knowing that she has to leave soon. Instead she lays back in the pillows trying to distract herself; “It’s okay…”  
The Doctor fiddles with the blanket trying to cover his lap, he knows he shouldn’t be with her all the time, it was not fair to Danny, but he can’t help himself…he wanted her, and he’s becoming selfish when it comes to her.  
The Doctor lays his head on her stomach and sighs; “IS it okay?” he questions

She thinks for a moment, she was torn but she has to assure him somehow. “Yeah, it’s okay… its more than okay…”  
He nods a little and closes his eyes trying to let the moment linger; “Are you okay?” she asks him after long period of silence.

He takes more time to ponder about his answers. He wasn’t okay; he wanted her with him…always. But he can’t tell her that. “I think so…” he lies, and he continues before she could “what time will you be leaving?” he asked her, trying not to let his voice break too much.  
Clara sits up, and pulls him towards her. “I need to do some things and I’m meeting Danny today…”

The Doctor just nods and stands up “she’s landed in your room, you can leave anytime you want…” he whispered as he walked towards the bathroom, but she caught up with him. “Nothing has to change…” she whispered to him. “I’m not leaving you, I’m just moving in with Danny…”  
The Doctor shook his head, and staggered towards the bathroom away from her.

Clara tried to run after him, but she didn’t. Instead she walked to gather her discarded clothing and walked towards the console room.  
Clara had told the Doctor that she was finally moving in with Danny. She insisted that nothing has to change, but he says otherwise. Last night, he took her to one last Hurrah, and she was hoping she could change his mind today…


	3. "Heartbreak Warfare"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more heartbreak, more angst... not a fluff in sight.

CHAPTER 3: “Heartbreak Warfare”

After some time Clara noticed that the Doctor had been gone for quite some time. She decided to go back to his bedroom only to hear a retching noise inside the bathroom. She quickly padded to the en-suite. Hear heart had broken into pieces at the sight in front of her.

The Doctor was hunched over the toilet, skin almost blue and beads of cold sweat were rolling down his body as he panted heavily. She takes not a second more before she started walking towards his hunched form. He was coughing and groaning as he prayed to his Gods to give him a little bit of relief.

Clara quickly moves behind him and soothes his back as he retched into the toilet once more. She could feel him tense under her touch, something that he hasn’t done in a while.  
“Hey…” she whispers soothingly to him “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” she asked him.

The doctor flushes the toilet and ignores the hand Clara offered him; he moves to sit towards the edge of the tub. “What are you still doing here?” he asked her in a detached tone. “I already asked the TARDIS to park in your room last night, no need to wait for me to take you home, you already are…” he scowls over his reflection just a bit and opened the tap to wet his face, and wash out the putrid taste from his mouth.

She ignored what he has just said and just carried on worrying about him. “So, what wrong then? Are you ill? Are you having the flu?” she asked him softly.  
He walked passed her and out of the bathroom. He staggered just a bit but she was fast enough to keep him from falling. “Do you want to go to bed, or do you want to go to the sickbay?” The Doctor looked up and saw a complete haze of worry lingering in her brown orbs; and it was for him, all for him.

He sighed knowing that he can’t keep anything from her. “I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong, just a bit different is all…” he reached for her hand and kissed her knuckles. She tried not to swallow thickly at the sensation he had left tinging along her skin, like fire burning inside. “Why don’t you go and do the things you need to do, yeah? And I’ll see you the day before you need to move in with Danny…one final goodbye…” he can’t help the slight crack in his voice as he tried to start saying goodbye to his impossible girl.

Clara shakes her head, ever the stubborn one. “That is not happening, not when I know you’re sick Doctor. I’m coming with you.”

He hesitated, and bit his thumb but he knows she won’t take no for an answer. “fine…” he mumbled.

The Doctor leads the way towards the sickbay, his hearts hammering inside his chest.” He knew exactly what was going on, he just needed to confirm it.  
The stopped short in front of the doors when he turned towards her, and look her straight in the eye; “Clara, whatever happens there…” he pauses and ran a hand through his ruffled hair “I think it’s about time you know that I love you…”

She tried not to let the tears fall. It was the first time that he had said it to her stone cold sober. He shakes his head and carried on “you don’t have to answer back, not now…even ever. I just wanted you to know…”

She did nothing to hold or assure him, so he just gave her a curt nod while his hearts was slowly starting to break into millions of pieces.

He went in and sat down on the examination chair and starts hitting a few buttons on the small medical console. A few seconds later, and a small piece of paper was printed out by the machine. His expression remained stoic, but inside he was raging…he knew it all along. He just didn’t know how to tell her about it, but now…he had no other choice.  
Clara walks forward to where he was and took the small sheet of paper in his hand. Everything else was in Gallifreyan but one word stood out from the rest.

Pregnant.

Her brows furrow, not believing her eyes; how can this be?

“This can’t be…” she finally voiced out

He remained silent; he didn’t know what else to say. He knew it would end this way. He was just too blind to admit it. “You can’t be pregnant.” She said almost backing away from him

“But I am…” he finally said.

“You can’t be pregnant, Doctor… this can’t be happening.” She said  
He snorted out a bitter laugh, “it just did, didn’t it?”

Finally the tears fell from her eyes, “This can’t be happening, this is NOT happening…not now, not when Danny and I are moving forward.”  
“You don’t have to be a part of it…” he finally said. His head bowed down low, fingers gripping the sides of the bed he was sitting on.  
“How far along?” she asked a more sensible question.

The doctor sighed and buried his face in his hands; “That night after we went to Hiraeth and had too much hypervodka…”  
Clara’s eyes almost doubled in size; “that’s…that’s almost six weeks ago…”  
“Surely, there must be something you can do about this, Doctor.” She had said in a voice even she wasn’t expecting. She had said it with almost a threatening amount of hissing venom.

“You do not make the decision for me.” he growled at her, knowing exactly where the conversation was headed.  
“You can’t have this.” She insisted “not with the life you are living…” she shook her head “not with the life I’m just beginning to have…”  
The Doctor remained silent and Clara thought he was considering options; “I’m tired of waking up alone in the mornings, Clara.”

She almost jerked and move forward towards him. Something in her eyes looked so vulnerable that he can’t figure out.  
“I can assure you Doctor, that is NEVER to happen again.” When he finally decided to look at her, his stormy eyes, were filled with so much…rage.  
She walked out of the TARDIS and onto her flat, and the Doctor followed suit.

“I wanted a life with you, want you beside me. I want to build a life with you, to work out my mistakes. I do not think I could have been any blunter all those times I let you done THIS over and over, because I want you, period. I love you, Clara. I’m in love with you.”

Clara had backed away, trying to cover her ears, to not hear his words. “WHY NOW, DOCTOR? “she bellowed at him “Why NOW, when I have started a life with Danny?!”  
“BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT!” the Doctor finally bellowed back. “You can never see me, Clara. You can never see through me. I always know you wanted a life, with a husband, children, I never thought I could give you those. This…” he pointed out to their situation “is all the TARDIS’s fault that’s why she’s been giving us my room, I never thought it was even possible.” The first few tears fell from his eyes as he continued “I wanted to give you so many things, but you never could see me…”  
“YES I CAN!” she reasoned out

“NO YOU CAN’T!” he bellowed back. “I can see Clara, I’m not blind. I am not the one you love, maybe you did, the previous me, but NOT ME. You love Danny, I can see it, and he loves you. I’m nothing but an adrenaline rush to you, that one thing that keeps you coming back, but not for love.”

“DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME HOW TO FEEL!” she yelled at him

“Then STOP LYING TO ME!” he shouted back

He took a calming breath before he spoke again “Tell me, then.” He said “Tell me, that all those times you had said you love me before you had fallen asleep weren't lies.”  
Clara didn’t speak a word and only let the tears flow down. She can’t say those, she’s moving in with Danny. Did she even love him? Of course she did, but why can’t she say those things to him? What changed, he’s still the Doctor no matter how many faces he changes into…”  
The doctor nodded and sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought…”

“You can love me or hate me, and I’ll accept both. If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart; if you hate me I’ll always be in your mind. But you’ll always be in my heart and mind.” He walked towards her and kissed her forehead one last time “Goodbye, Clara Oswald…”  
With a shaky breath, the Doctor walked back to the TARDIS with a heavy heart, leaving his beloved impossible girl behind…

The moment the TARDIS doors shut the Doctor slid down and cried harder than he had ever did before, little did he know, that one Clara Oswald’s heart was broken in pieces when she realized what she had lost.

A family with the man she truly loves.


	4. Somebody's Heartbreak

CHAPTER 4: “Somebody’s Heartbreak”

A few months later, and Clara has never heard from the Doctor since their last fight that had ended up in a rough goodbye, and even a few months later Clara had ended her relationship with Danny.

FLASHBACK:

A FEW MONTHS AGO…

“Clara?” Danny’s voiced followed suit after a careful knock on their bedroom door. “Clara, breakfast is ready love...”  
Clara put her head back in the pillow and buried under the covers, not failing to notice the worried look on his face. He took a few steps into the room but he stopped when she sat up and gave her a sad smile.

“Breakfast is ready on the table, join me?” he asked her, ever so patiently. 

Clara had moved in with Danny a few days after the Doctor has left, hoping that she can rekindle the feelings that she had for him now that he was gone. But she was wrong, oh so wrong.

“I don’t feel up to eating breakfast…sorry.” She said in a small voice. Danny sighed and Clara frowned, surely he must be getting tired of her giving the same excuse every day.  
“Please, you have to eat something. You can’t be going to work again with no breakfast, you always skip lunch and you don’t even touch your dinner.” He tried reasoning out with her.

“I’m just not hungry!” she said, closing her eyes, already regretting that she snapped at him. “Look, I’m sorry, I’m just not hungry. Just give me a couple of minutes so I can get ready, and we can go, okay?” she said with a weak voice as she made her way to the bathroom.

Danny had noticed that Clara had never been the same seems the Doctor had noticeably been missing. She on the other hand thought he wouldn’t have noticed, but he did. She always had that faraway look in her eyes, as if expecting that any minute he would come to whisk her away. She had been distant, and irritable, they fought about the smallest of things. It seems that she was looking for a way for them to finally give up on each other.

“Fine, whatever! I’m going to work!” Danny said walking out of the room and slamming the door. Clara immediately regretted her actions and went after him  
“Danny, I’m sorry,” Clara apologized quickly, “I know I always keep on messing it up. I’m sorry. I’ll eat breakfast now, go to lunch with you and stop picking on my dinner if that’s what you want.”

“Yes,” Danny sighed, but to her utter surprise he suddenly snapped at her, something that he wouldn’t have done normally. “But it’s not what YOU want. We’re a team here, Clara. I’m your boyfriend and yet I feel like I always have to make the adjustments, I feel like you keep leaving me hanging and alone. You hide your problems so well from me. You keep acting like there is nothing wrong, but I’m not blind Clara! I know something is wrong with you but you’re not telling me, and honestly it’s scaring me!”

Clara tried not to shuffle her feet nervously, so he knew. A part of her wanted to desperately tell him, quit all of this lying and just let the truth out in the open. Danny is a good man and he deserves something more than her; she didn’t know what was holding her back.

“Clara, I need to ask you a question,” Danny said in a serious tone, but the fear was clearly etched across his face, as if he already knew the answer. “And please, please just give me an honest answer yeah? I think I deserve at least that one.” Danny closed his eyes, and ran a hand over the back of his head. “Do you still want to be with me?”   
“Danny, please…”

“Clara, please. An honest answer is all I need. Would you want me to leave? Do you want to break up with me?” he asked her “Because if that’s what you want then at least I think I should know, right?” Clara could feel the tears brimming in her eyes, she loved the Doctor but he wasn’t here anymore, and Danny was here, and he loved her; at least she had that. “I…I thought about it.” She tried to cut the emotion from her voice. “But that’s the past, and I have made my decision. I’m staying with you…”

“Clara, you don’t have to stay with me if your heart keeps telling you otherwise.” He looked at her and his sad eyes made her heart ache. Why must she always bring heart ache to the ones that love her?

“I’m not breaking up with you. I’m staying, and that’s that.” She repeated but her voice was trembling. With that she started to cry again, how can she keep hurting the people that love her? For years both Danny and the Doctor had done nothing but to love her and yet she couldn’t even bring herself to be honest with either of them. Danny deserved so much better than her, so much better than this and yet all Clara could think about was the family that she almost had with the Doctor.

“Clara, I love you, and you know that.” Danny said sincerely and Clara shook her head while the tears kept falling freely down her face.  
“Danny, please don’t do this… I beg you. Don’t…” Clara said sobbing her eyes out.  
“No! Clara I won’t. I want to fix this, I would do anything to fix this for you, for us, I would do anything but you wouldn’t let me in, I could try to fix this if you told me what was wrong!” he pleaded with her

Danny took two long strides to where she stood and kissed her, hard. Clara pushed him away and cried harder.  
Clara couldn’t help the tears that were falling down from her face, she didn’t know what to do, what to say. She wished she could turn back time and correct everything. She would want nothing more than to make it right for all of them.

“Clara, what’s wrong?” he asked her, and framed her face in his hands, trying to hold her in place  
“You have done nothing wrong, Danny, nothing. Do you understand that?” she didn’t mean to shout but sadly it just ended that way  
“Then please tell me what’s wrong with us, please Clara. Tell me.”

Clara shook her head, and Danny dived in to kiss her again, but she pushed him away and bellowed “No!” she cried “Please, No!”  
Clara broke down on the floor sobbing. She wrapped her arms around herself and curled into a tight ball. Danny immediately went to her side and hugged her close  
“I’m sorry Clara, I shouldn’t have pushed you. I’m sorry…”

Danny called the school telling that they won’t be able to come in today, he just held Clara in his arms until she stopped her crying.

After that, Clara and Danny tried talking just a little bit more civil that had ended up with them going separate ways but had an understanding that they would still be friends. In the end Clara never said what had made her feel this way; she just could never find the words of how to explain the loss she had when the Doctor left and took her heart with him.

END OF FLASHBACK

A few months later and it seems that Clara has started to move a bit forward, she thought about him a lot but it was getting better.  
She was sitting one evening, doing her markings when she heard the familiar whiz of the TARDIS. She sprung from her seat, heart in her throat, as she dashed for the bedroom. There she found that her ears weren’t deceiving her, when she saw the old girl parked itself inside her room. She couldn’t believe her eyes! Her heart was harrumphing inside her chest, as she waited for the Doctor to come out.

The doors opened, but sadly he was nowhere to be seen. She furrowed her brows and walked inside the console room. The Doctor was nowhere to be seen, just as she was about to call out for him, the TARDIS provided her with a holographic interface in the face and form of his former wife, River Song.  
“Clara, I’m so glad you’re here.” She said to her

Clara furrowed her brows and crossed her arms. “Where is he?” she asked her.  
River smiled sadly, and replied “That’s why I am here. He needs you, my thief needs you dear.”  
Clara’s eyes widened with concern, if the TARDIS was talking to her, then where was he?

“what happened?” she asked frantically.  
“there has been an accident…”  
Clara felt her heart sink into her stomach  
“come with me and I’ll take you to my thief.”


	5. Broken

CHAPTER 5: “Broken”

Clara landed in some form of futuristic hospital and was greeted by a man dressed in 1940’s clothing that she recognized from his stories to be Captain Jack Harness.  
“I’m looking for the Doctor?” she said in a panic filled voice “help me, please…”

Jack looked across from her shoulder and saw the TARDIS parked behind her. “I trust you’re Clara Oswald? The Doctor’s former companion?” he asked in an almost clipped tone  
Clara nodded and Jack looked at her that could almost be compared to cold steel daggers.

“Come with me…” he said as he turned away and she followed suit.

“Thank you” she said and tried to catch up with his long strides.

“The Doctor.” She started and he looked at her “is he alright?”

“He’s stable, but he’s been coming and going.” He said to her

“what happened?”

“He had been dragged into a war and had come to me for help. He said it’s the last time he’ll be saving another planet for a while. But they were stronger than us. I took him back to the TARDIS and back here to be treated by a friend. From what I heard from the TARDIS he hasn’t been the same since you…deserted him.”

He looked at her before he continued “I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, it’s bad… but not enough for him to regenerate, but he self-healing may take a while…”  
“The Doctor, he’s pregnant. He’s pregnant with our child.” She looked at him and saw something in her eyes that she wished she didn’t see.

Jack’s anger suddenly deflated when she saw the look on her face. “I’m sorry…” he watched as the life drained from her face.

“Can I see him?” she asked desperately, as she clung to his arm begging him to let her see him.

He nodded and guided her into the room.

She walked into the room and stood there frozen. She felt the air drain from her lungs as she looked at his vulnerable form. She had never seen him like this, almost blue with blood loss, and so fragile. He looked so small lying on the bed, covered in white sheets. She willed herself to walk towards him and held his hand and began to cry.

She took his cold hand in hers and looked at his face. Even in his sleep he looked pained; there were cuts and bruises marring his face. His face was still and his hand was still his hand, but this wasn’t him. He wasn’t the man she had last seen all those months ago when they fought and he had left heart-broken.

Just like any other human being on Earth he was wrapped up in bandages and tubes were coming out from everywhere. A small monitor signals that his heart was still beating assuring her that he was alive; but after this she knew he would be dead inside.

And Clara felt the same way…

She placed a chair near his bed and sat there beside him, never letting go of his hand. She sat there, wishing, praying that he would wake up. But she didn’t know what to say when he did, how was she going to tell him? How would she explain why was she there, and that their baby was gone?

She interlaced their fingers and kissed the back of his hand while she let the other hand run through his hair, comforting him and herself in this time of despair and of loss, vowing that she would never let him go.

A few hours later, Jack along with his Doctor friend walked inside the room to check on the Doctor, they saw Clara; asleep on his side, holding his hand. They walked in and back out. They knew that there was no room for them in that moment.

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Clara woke up with sunshine on her face. She opened her eyes, and when she saw him, she remembered where she was, and all that had happened the day before. She sat back and slowly began to let sleep overtake her, but was awaken by something. She could feel his hand tightening around hers and she jumped up, standing, hovering over him and desperately waited for him to open his eyes.

“Doctor…” she whispered. “Open your eyes.”

Tears started to roll down her cheeks like rain.  
“Doctor, please. I need you to wake up. Please wake up.” She pleaded with him. “Doctor, please. Wake up, my love.”  
Just as she wanted to give up what little hope she had left, his eyes fluttered open. She watched in silence as he tried to open his eyes.

“Doctor…” she said one more time, and this time he heard her.  
“Clara…” his voice was rough, weak, and shaky.

And just like that she could breathe, even for a little while.  
“I’m here, Doctor.” She assured him, kissing the back of his hand. “I’m right here…”

He squeezed her hand weakly, as tears made their way down his cheek. “I never thought I’d see you again…” he whispered and she leaned forward and let their foreheads crash together in a light and loving collision. “I’m always here for you, Doctor. No matter what…”

The doctor gradually became more awake and coherent and was able to speak and think clearly after a few hours. He wasn’t cleared to get up and move just yet, so Clara remained right by his side. She was so caught up in the moment of seeing him again, and had forgotten that she hasn’t told him yet. But was soon reminded by him.

“The baby.” He interrupted her as the thought came to his mind. “I can’t hear the baby inside my mind. Is my baby okay?”  
He closed his eyes and listened for the telepathic link, and couldn’t hear anything. He yanked the blanket down and saw that he was wrapped up in bandages, and immediately he knew why.

Tears came falling down his cheeks as she cried. “No… please, Rassilon no.” he cried “NO!” he shouted and she reached out to hug him.  
Clara tried her best to restrain him, to keep him from hurting himself the best she could. He thrashed, cried and sobbed on the bed and she just held him as he cried his heart out. “No, please… No!” he cried as he clung to her.

“Doctor…” he climbed into the bed and wrapped her arms tightly around him, holding her arms close around him and to where the baby once laid. She held him tight as he cried for their loss; he hugged himself tighter and she did the same, holding him closer and soothed him. “Shhhhh….It’s okay, Doctor.”

Her tears fell upon his shoulder as they fell from his cheeks.  
“It’s going to be okay…” she promised him.


	6. Fix  You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i will try, to fix you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really sorry for the delay. there's been so much on my plate, i didnt know how to juggle my time. one thing came after another, and believe me, it had been annoying. but all's well, that ends well... so i'm back... lol...enjoy.

CHAPTER 6: “

Clara walked in her apartment, coming home from the grocers. She placed the bags on the counter top and went to her room to check on the Doctor. She poked her head through the door and smiled when she saw him sleeping curled up on his side hugging her pillow to himself, she smiled a little and blew him a kiss before softly closing the door once more.

For the moment she let him be, and went back to the kitchen to cook dinner. They have come a long way the two of them, but she patiently stood by him, giving him the utmost care and love that he felt he never deserved.  
Taking out the ingredients she had inside the bag, she took them out and laid them neatly across the kitchen counter, and separated the ones she needed to make dinner. She placed a pot and a pan out and began prepping their meal. After putting the dish in the oven, she placed the dirtied up dishes in the washer and made her way to the bedroom.

Softly she opened the door and lay down beside him, with a little smile on her face. She listened to his soft breaths, and brushed a piece of stray hair from his forehead. She knew she had made the right decision when she took an indefinite leave from work to take care of him. She lightly ran her knuckles across his prominent cheek bones, and placed the softest kisses on the tip of his nose. She knew they still had a long way to go, but she wouldn’t let him go now, not now or ever. 

FLASHBACK!!

Clara stayed with the Doctor the whole time he was at the hospital, Jack of course was there to lend a hand. The Doctor barely made contact with anybody; he hasn’t spoken in days, and barely touched his food. He didn’t even shed a single tear; it was as if he had died, and his hearts was refusing to move on. He had managed to build even thicker walls around himself, that even he was trapped inside his own body. Clara understood him; she had known the feeling of losing someone you have held so dear, it was literally losing a part of soul and leaving a gashing hole in your heart. 

She guessed she will never fully understand what he must be going through, being the one who was always been left behind by the ones you love. The pain… it doesn’t go away, if it in time it stays there and just becomes stronger, deeper; so she let him be and didn’t dare try to decipher the feeling that was burning inside of him, but stood by him and did everything she needed to do to make it if anything bearable for him.

Besides losing the baby, there were no lasting hindrances to his body, being a Time Lord and all, but all the same Clara decided that it would be better if she would stay with him in her apartment for the time being. Jack had agreed, as well as the doctor who had taken care of him.

There was no way to describe the pain that Clara felt every day, every hour, every minute. Seeing him this way, weak, vulnerable, broken and in pain. As much as she wanted it to go away, and take it from him she couldn’t do anything, there was nothing that she could do to undo what had happened.

The weeks passed by in a haze of pain and misery. Each night she’d lay beside him, even if he tried to distance himself, she would hold him. Hold him close, while silent teats fell down from his face. There were times when she would see him huddled against the corner of the room crying, and rocking himself back and forth, chanting “my baby…I’m so sorry…my baby…” over and over. 

She would sink down on the floor, and pull him to her arms and shush him until he calmed down or fall asleep in her arms. She would then let herself go, and cry. She never cried, not in front of him, right now he needed her, and he needed her to be strong for the two of them.

Sometimes she would go out for a short while to get a few things that they will need. She would never fail to bring him some flowers or any of the sweets he loved so much in hopes that he would change his mind, but none of those seemed to be working. He would just sit by the rocker that she had placed in her room, and stare out of nowhere. Sometimes he’d be sulking in the corner of the room, his hands wrapped around his legs, while he buried his face on his knees.

Every single time, she would dare wish that at least one time when she comes home with flowers or sweets, she would see that boyish smile graze his face. But when she stepped across the threshold, there was no greeting, no chanting of her name, just silence; deafening silence. There he sat, empty and broken, a hollow shell of the man he once was. The flowers she had brought from home began to wither just like the life began to drain from him.

The doctor never thought of having a family again. He had never gotten over the pain of losing the one he had before. When he finally had the chance to have this child with Clara, whether she was there or not, he was more than willing to partake the role of a father again. How he had missed being called “Papa” or “Daddy” only for it to be taken away from him like it was just a bad dream. He let the silent tears fall knowing that he may never have the chance again.

After weeks of nothing but silence, Clara was surprised when she had felt a strong pair of arms wrapped around her and felt the warmth of something nuzzling her neck. “I owe you an apology…” he whispered shamefully, and Clara turned around to look at him almost angry.

“You don’t owe me anything…” she said holding his chin between her index finger and thumb, trying to make him look her in the eye.  
She didn’t know what else to say, this wasn’t his fault. It never was, and never will be; and she would never let him take the blame for anything, even if she had to make him understand through that thick skull of his.

“Doctor…” she said cupping both of his cheeks between her hands.  
“No.” he said, shaking his head. “I should have never…shut myself out…shut you out…it was…wrong…selfish even…” he stammered.

Clara remained silent, she wasn’t angry at him, and she never will; but he was right, he shouldn’t have done that. She only wanted to help him, be there for him.  
“I just never thought…I’d have the chance again… then it was gone.” 

He began to cry and Clara held him in her arms as he fell apart once more.  
“I know…” she said, trying to hold back her grief. “It’s going to take time, but we’re going to get through this, you and I… I promise you.” She said as she ran her fingers through his thick silvery curls.

He lifted his head and looked at her; she was relieved when she saw that he believed her. She pulled him down and let his forehead rest against hers. He believed in her, and that was enough…for now.

END OF FLASHBACK:

Clara felt a hand brushing through her cheeks and her eyes fluttered open. She saw that the Doctor was watching her sleep and gave him a soft smile.  
“Hey…” she said  
He smiled a little, and nuzzled closer to her, “Hi…”

She wrapped an arm around his waist and nudged his forehead with her chin so that he would look up at her.  
“How are you?” she asked tentatively…

“Good…better…even.” He said as he kept his eyes astray and played with the loose piece of thread on her shirt. She ran a hand on his hair and kissed his forehead. “I made your favorite…” she whispered knowing that it will get his attention.

Slowly, the Doctor looked up and gazed at her, she smiled and he ran a finger on the bridge of her nose, tapping it lightly as he asked. “Why do you do this?”  
Clara was a bit confused and furrowed her brows. “Do what?” she asked back

“Take care of me…” he said as his eyes wandered a little bit away from her that as if suddenly he found her shirt very interesting.  
She sighed and smiled just a bit. She took his cheek in her hand and whispered “hey…” and smiled when he looked up.

He looked at her, with that boyish look, and she smiled even more. She nuzzled close to him that their noses were touching. “I love you.” She said as if she had said it before.  
His eyes grew wide, and he could feel his hearts hammering inside his chest. Then she repeated it, “I’m doing this because I love you.”  
The Doctor closed his eyes and savored the moment. “I never stopped.” He whispered as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

Clara sighed and held him closer, tighter. “I know…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before-“but she was cut short when the Doctor placed a soft kiss on her lips.  
“Don’t.” he whispered “We already had enough bad timing…” and for the first time, gave her a genuine boyish smile; the smile that she loved so much.  
Clara smiled and kissed him fervently, and lovingly. She smiled in the kiss when she felt him responding to her. After a while, she broke the kiss and gave him a short peck. “I guess the future is ours to take then?” she said smiling.

The Doctor nodded and pecked her lips; “All of time and space, anywhere and everywhere. Every star that ever was, where do you want to start?”  
Clara scooted closer and tucked her head under his chin. “Right here, with you…”

The next few weeks were better after that night. They eventually got back together, stronger than ever. Finally they were back to their normal routine, with a little glitch; Clara decided to stay with him full time, and quit her job at the school. They talked about anything and everything, and it helped them to become better and stronger, and closer than ever. And it helped-it helped a lot. The Doctor was smiling again, laughing, and babbling about stuff; he was back, and she’s glad. And it was from there that they had built a new beginning that would fix what was broken. They would not forget, nor would they run away, but simply move forward. And they did, it took time, but they did.  
They had never been this close before, and they were happy, happier than ever. They shared their laughter and their grief, and even the bed. And just like that a miracle ran their way…

“Doctor!” she said running out of their room in the TARDIS, a smile on her face.  
The Doctor looked back, and a smile made way across his face when he saw what was written on the small plastic strip.  
POSITIVE.  
A small bump was on the way…


End file.
